Funny Candles - Hand Poured 100% Soy Wax

Infused with essential oils, and free from dyes, lead, paraffin, and phthalates, our 100% soy wax candles are vegan friendly and cruelty free!

These are a safe, healthy and all-natural alternative to store-bought candles. They make a great homemade gift for Christmas, housewarming or any other occasion!

Sustainable packaging: 8oz amber glass jar with screw top lid. (Please reuse me!) *New labels are white instead of the kraft color in the photos.

Please note that some candles have cotton wicks and some have wood wicks. It will be random which one you will receive.

Non-Sweary Sassy Candles

Girl, you still look 21....from a distance

If I had to hide a body, you'd be the first person I call.

Dear bestie, Thank you for being my bestie. If I had another bestie, I would punch them in the face and go find you. Love you forever.

Never leave me (cuz I'd find you)

It's too peopley outside

Maybe swearing will help (infused with a Colorful Vocabulary)

Free Hugs (Just kidding - Don’t touch me)

Girl, you got this (infused with Badassery and Confidence)

I hate everyone except us (infused with Ride or Die Friendship)

*They’re (infused with a Healthy Dose of Snark)

I can’t even (infused with Not Enough Middle Fingers)

Good friends don’t let you do stupid things…alone

But did you die (infused with bad life decisions)

Let's get lit

Let's get naked

We'll be friends until we're old and senile...then we'll be new friends.

Well behaved women rarely make history (infused with the Spirits of Strong Women Everywhere)

Don’t be a twatwaffle

You're stuck with me. No returns. No refunds.

Roses are red, foxes are clever. I like your butt, let me touch it forever.

Whoever said money can't buy happiness never bought a candle.

I do what I want (infused with No Apologies)

Don't let anyone treat you like free salsa. You are guac.

Smells like...it's not my problem anymore.

Our friendship is like this candle (if you forget about me, I’ll burn your house down)

A wise woman once said "Screw This" and lived happily ever after.

Smells like...You're too hard to buy for

Happy new home. Hope your neighbors aren't buttholes.

You're weird. And I like it.

Sweary Sassy Candles

I love talking to myself. That bitch gets me.

I hope this smells better than all the shit I put you through.

Don't f*ck up my bathroom.

Smells like...I'm the f*cking boss around here.

Welcome to the shit show. Hope you brought alcohol.

Happy f*cking birthday

Bitch, you're getting old

F*ck around and find out

I am a f*cking ray of sunshine

This is my last f*ck. Oh look, it's on fire.

F*ckery repellent

Fresh outta f*cks

Some people will never like me (infused with Zero F*cks)

I'd shank a b*tch for you (Right in the kidney)

She believed she could (infused with So She F*cking Did)

F*cking quitter! I mean, happy retirement.

Before you lose your shit, remember there's no wine in prison

You’re a bad ass b*tch, keep that shit up

B*tches get shit done (infused with Hustle and Determination)

I f*cking love you

Free Hugs (Just kidding - Don’t f*cking touch me)

For when you just need to burn shit

B*tch, you got this (infused with Badassery and Confidence)

Calm the f*ck down (infused with a Bunch of Calming Shit)

Shit’s about to go down (infused with Low Standards and Bad Decisions)

I just f*cking love candles

Studies show that intelligent people swear more than stupid motherf*ckers

Christmas Sassy Candles

Smells like...Christmas and merry holiday shit

All I want for Christmas is peace and f*cking quiet

It's beginning to look a lot like f*ck this.

Happy f*cking holidays

Smells like...it's f*cking Christmas

Smells like Christmas in this bitch

Shitter's full, Clark

 

Why do I use soy wax?

I use 100% organic soy wax because I wanted a natural wax that burned clean and was safe for my home and family.

The more common paraffin wax used in most commercial candles is not an option because paraffin is an oil derivative that has been shown to release toxic carcinogens into the air when burned. Yuck!

Hand poured in small batches by little old me in Hermosa Beach, CA.

Candle Care

• Never leave a lit candle unattended
• Allow your candle to burn 2-3 hours on its first burn to get a full melt pool
• Always trim your wick back to 1/4" before burning (especially the wood wicks!)
• Do not burn for more than 4 hours straight
• Keep your candle away from drafts and flammable materials
• Keep out of reach from children and pets

For Pre-Orders, please allow 5-7 business days for me to create and ship your one of a kind product. I personally make each one myself, in sunny southern California.

♥ Thank you so much for making a purchase from my small business. Your support really means a lot to me!